In a new interview, Liam Neeson revealed that after a female friend of his was allegedly raped, he wanted to “kill” someone the same race as her attacker.

“It was horrible, horrible, when I think back, that I did that,” he told The Independent.

Promoting his new film Cold Pursuit, the Irish actor, 66, discussed with U.K. outlet the concept of revenge — as he’s built his career as of late around action movies and thrillers of this nature.

To start, Neeson said he related to the “primal” urge of his character, in Cold Pursuit, who’s avenging the unexpected death of his son.

“God forbid you’ve ever had a member of your family hurt under criminal conditions,” he told the paper before recalling the rape of his close friend.

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“She handled the situation of the rape in the most extraordinary way,” he said. “But my immediate reaction was … I asked, did she know who it was? No. What color were they? She said it was a black person.”

Neeson continued, “I went up and down areas with a cosh [bludgeon], hoping I’d be approached by somebody — I’m ashamed to say that … hoping some ‘black bastard’ would come out of a pub and have a go at me about something, you know? So that I could … kill him.”

He shared that he acted this way for “a week, maybe a week and a half … [My friend] would say, ‘Where are you going?’ and I would say, ‘I’m just going out for a walk.’ ‘What’s wrong?’ ‘No, no, nothing’s wrong.’ ”

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Looking back, the Oscar winner said how wrong he was.

“It was horrible, horrible, when I think back, that I did that. And I’ve never admitted that, and I’m saying it to a journalist. God forbid,” he said before concluding, “It’s awful. But I did learn a lesson from it, when I eventually thought, ‘What the f—k are you doing?’ “

Neeson’s reps did not immediately respond to PEOPLE’s request for comment.

The Love Actually alum also explained in the interview that growing up in Northern Ireland in the ’70s — right after the founding of the Irish Republican Army — molded his perception of violence.

“I knew a couple of guys that died on hunger strike, and I had acquaintances who were very caught up in the Troubles, and I understand that need for revenge, but it just leads to more revenge, to more killing and more killing, and Northern Ireland’s proof of that,” he said. “All this stuff that’s happening in the world, the violence, is proof of that. But that primal need, I understand.”

This article originally appeared on People. For more stories like this, visit people.com.