By Josh Molina for WrestlingObserver.com
Air date: Oct. 29, 1984
Click Here: cheap nsw blues jerseyRuntime: 1:23 minutes
Stars of the show: Junkyard Dog’s wrinkle steaks, Beefcake’s backside and Slaughter’s Cobra Corps
Vince McMahon opens the show calling Lord Alfred Hayes “TNT’s very own Ghostbuster,” an reference to the popularity of the 1984 movie, albeit an awkward and forced one. Hayes has dropped the flamboyant suits for a more traditional penguin tuxedo, and appears to be sporting a new haircut. Did someone decide that Hayes needed a makeover, or was this an aberration?
For some weird reason the show opens with the same segment as last week: Sgt. Slaughter with his Cobra Corps cadets in some strange wilderness area. Is it possible this segment was a ratings hit? Was there confusion as to whether this was a legitimate military exercise? Vince McMahon made a better attempt to explain the segment this time, allowing Slaughter to say he put the camp together for volunteers, that they all made it through, but none impressed him enough to become a professional wrestler.
McMahon calls Slaughter perhaps “the greatest living American hero today.” What does that say about Hulk Hogan, the champion? Slaughter says he won’t reveal the location of the Cobra Corps training because he doesn’t want the Russians or Iranians to know where it is. Yes, this is the 1980s.
In the TNT studio Slaughter says he travels in a camouflaged uniform and he is recognized everywhere he goes. He reminds us that he’s not Brock Lesnar though by talking about how he works a full schedule and how travel and matches are grueling.
“Everybody’s looking to knock off a top performer or top wrestler,” Slaughter said, adding that to get to Hogan they have to go through him.
The WWF handled Hogan perfectly for the first three years of his title run, but it would have been interesting to see Hogan and Slaughter wrestle each other in 1984. Both guys were totally over and the fans would have loved it. Slaughter talks about the glasses he was given from a child who’s father served in the Vietnam War.
Back to the ring and Slaughter is wrestling Charlie Fulton, a guy who totally looks like he doesn’t want to be there. “You talk about your great American heroes and the top of the list has to be this extraordinary athlete,” McMahon blurts. Bruno Sammartino is doing the color commentary.
It’s a classic jobber match. Fulton gets in a little big of offense i before Slaughter puts him away with the Cobra Clutch. “You don’t mess around too much with this man,” McMahon says.
McMahon is doing a great job of getting Slaughter over. Maybe instead of having Michael Cole, JBL and Jerry Lawler try to get Roman Reigns over, McMahon should return to ringside and call Reigns, “perhaps the most extraordinary athlete in sports entertainment today.”
The fans are going absolutely nuts over Slaughter, who tries to bring some kid into the ring, but the camera then cuts away because the kid looks like he is about to cry. Back in the studio, Slaughter is talking about how he’s had people as old as 97, wanting to be part of the Corps and that “wherever I go people just mob me.” To prove it they cut back to the match and Slaughter is surrounded by dozens of fans in the ring, coming across a lot like Daniel Bryan. He had an authentic popularity about him.
With Election Day around the corner, Slaughter encourages everyone to vote, adding that one day he’s like to meet the president and possibly become vice president. I wonder if he still had those dreams when Shawn Michaels and Triple H were making a fool out of him in 1997 on on Monday Night Raw?
After the commercial break, we meet Brutus Beefcake. This was long before he was the barber or Hulk Hogan’s caddy. At this point, Beefcake is a stripper. What was going through McMahon’s head at the time? Before we meet Beefcake, McMahon takes us to some “rare footage” of Beefcake dancing at some place called “The Main Event Club.”
Beefcake is strutting around inside, slowly taking his clothes off as middle-aged woman watch. Beefcake wasn’t a particularly skilled dancer here. The segment ends with Beefcake stripping down to a black thong. McMahon calls it “probably one of the most bizarre things we have ever seen on TNT.”
Wow. Not really. Not by a longshot. While Beefcake dancing may not have been the most thrilling segment, it was way less bizarre than forcing us to watch Greg “The Hammer” Valentine’s wife give him a massage while in a bikini or Hulk Hogan ride Mean Gene Okerlund in a weird workout segment. Beefcake’s manager is Luscious Johnny Valiant, who is about the worst manager ever, at least in this role as Beefcake’s manager.
Valiant looks like he has been partying with Jon Jones before the Daniel Cormier match. He keeps calling the WWF the “World Wide Wrestling Federation,” to the point where it almost felt like he was doing it on purpose. The WWF, of course, dropped the “Wide” from its name long before Valiant was on TNT.
“This guy is the hottest thing to hit the World Wide Wrestling Federation since they put a ring in Madison Square Garden,” Valiant says.
McMahon asks Valiant if Beefcake has been tested yet and wondering how he would do against top WWF competition. If only McMahon was as skeptical about Roman Reigns as he is of Beefcake. McMahon asks how Valiant how he got to be Beefcake’s manager, but Valiant just rambles on and on and made little sense about anything. He’s also consistently looking at the wrong camera, so for the entire segment we get a side profile of Valiant.
Beefcake, announced as being from “parts unknown” takes on Tony Garea, with Monsoon and Okerlund doing commentary. Valiant is wearing a “I love Johnny jacket.” Shouldn’t it say “I love Brutus”? Hard to imagine Paul Heyman wearing a “I love Heyman” shirt.
Valiant looks like the understudy for the Wizard in the broadway production of “The Wizard of Oz.” Apparently Valiant used to be in the WWF, left, and then returned because Okerlund starts talking about the old days. Okerlund says, “Johnny Valiant always the first to pick up the tab. He loves the nightlife.”
Beefcake doesn’t come across as a great worker. I wonder how and why Beefcake’s gimmick went from male stripper to barber. Beefcake pins Garea with a flying knee. Monsoon puts the move over well: “What a knee. Did you see that? A knee right across the side of the head!”
In the studio, Beefcake hasn’t said a word and Valiant won’t let him. McMahon asks if Beefcake can speak and Valiant responds: “What you think this is a ventriloquist deal? What you think I am some kind of squirrel, some kind of shmuck that is going to bring some yoyo into the World Wide Wrestling Federation?” Valiant gives Beefcake permission to speak and the Beefer says two words: “Brutus Beefcake.”
Hey, Valiant was trying to do a Brock Lesnar gimmick with this guy 30 years ago. Valiant says: “This man is going to rewrite the annals of professional wrestling.” Or not.
Big John Studd is back after setting the world bench press record a two weeks ago, going up against SD Jones. McMahon announces “$15,000” to the first person who can slam Studd. Jones got in quite a lot of offense in this match, including a series of headbutts that busted Studd open.
After putting over Jones’ left hands, Studd finally wins with an elbow drop to the neck. Studd grabs the microphone and tells everybody that this win was just a tuneup for Hogan.
It’s now time for the Hearts and Flowers segment, where McMahon answers racy questions from fans. Bobby Heenan killed it the first week. He should have hosted the segment every week. Classy Freddie Blassie was next and the segment took a huge dive in terms of wit and humor. With Valiant, I never want to watch the segment again.
Valiant was supposed to be the guy offering the Dear Abby type advice to husbands dissatisfied with their wives, and wives unhappy with their husbands.
Valiant just didn’t have the wit to carry the segment. One woman said her husband’s physique didn’t compare to the wrestlers in the World Wrestling Federation and what is she to do? Instead of offering anything funny, Valiant just told her to be satisfied and quit complaining. Another woman said she fantasizes about being in a 20-man battle royal with the wrestlers and what should she do about that.
Valiant tells her that wrestling is dangerous and that she should consider something else for exercise. Valiant is totally tone deaf to the questions. McMahon wraps the segment up quickly with no LOL moments, except for Valiant in the middle of one of his answers inserting that he rates Beecake a “35” on a scale from 1-10.
Up next is this week’s culture “ridiculous stereotype” segment of the week featuring The Junkyard Dog and some Southern cooking.
JYD says he is 293 pounds, prompting McMahon to say that some of that must be due to the food he eats, offering a perfect segue into JYD’s typical menu. JYD is joined by two women from “The Yellow Bowl” who are explaining some of the Dog’s favorite foods: chitlins, ribs, collard greens, candied sweet potatoes, peach cobbler and wrinkle steaks.
McMahon loves making a fool out of Hayes almost as much as he loves pushing Triple H, so we see Hayes trying the wrinkle steaks, with extra hot sauce. Hayes does a great job, actually saying he likes the food. He asks for a glass of water and, of course, there is none. McMahon keeps suggesting that if Hayes eats JYD’s food he will become a new man like Junkyard Dog.
“I would like to feel like a new man, feel like a man, even,” Hayes says. Moving on…
Hayes actually gets in a good one-liner when he asks if he can eat one of the “scones” on the table, of which the Dog responds, “those aren’t scones, that’s corn bread.”
In the ring, the Junkyard Dog takes on Paul Vachon, in a short match that consisted of Vachon scratching his nails down JYD’s back and JYD bouncing back to win with a power slam.
The show moves on to a quick appearance from Baron Mikel Scicluna, an old-time heel wrestler. McMahon did a great job of giving his father’s friends time in the spotlight and for wrestling fans it’s nice to get a taste of history.
Scicluna teamed up with King Curtis against Chief Jay Strongbow and Sonny King in a tag match. The tag matches of the day were real art forms. There were fewer “spots” like you might see form the Usos today, and more of an emphasis on ring psychology. Yes, it’s a different era, but tag team wrestling at its best is a phenomenal art form.
TNT wraps up with the debut of The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff as a tag team, getting a victory over Joe Berto and Steve Lombardi.
McMahon and the WWF continue to do a tremendous job of introducing new characters. Beefcake has an allure to him, JYD is already super-popular, and Studd is being pushed as a monster heel.
McMahon is still the lifeblood of the show, who is subtly getting characters over with his unique style of interviewing and charisma. TNT continues to be a forum for these wrestlers to appear as real people, not just the larger-than-life characters they play on TV.